Secret Santa rules and etiquette

The basic rules

• Everyone gives one gift and receives one.
• Nobody draws themselves.
• You keep your person secret until the reveal.
• The gift stays within the agreed budget.
• Gifts are opened together, at the party or on a call.

The budget

Agree on a range and a currency before the draw, and stick to it. Going far over the budget is as awkward as going far under: someone opens a gift that cost a fraction of the one next to it.

If someone can't afford the range, lower it for everyone. Nobody should have to explain why.

Wishlist or surprise?

A short wishlist helps Santas who don't know their person well, and avoids gifts that end up in a drawer. A surprise is more fun when people know each other. A good middle ground is a wishlist of hints rather than products: a colour, a hobby, a shop, a size.

Twists such as one colour or a small challenge give the Santa a brief without spelling out the gift.

Keeping the secret

• Don't tell anyone who you drew, not even your partner if they're in the group.
• If you need a hint, read what your person filled in for their Santa, or ask the whole group something general.
• Don't write your name on the gift until the reveal.

If someone drops out

Before the draw it's simple: they leave the event, or the organiser removes them, and the draw goes ahead with everyone else.

After the draw, someone is left without a Santa. The usual fix: the person who dropped out tells the organiser, privately, who they drew, and the organiser or a volunteer buys that gift, so nobody leaves the party empty-handed. If it happens early and the group prefers, start again with a new draw.

In Secret Santa Twist nobody can join or leave an event after the draw, so the pairs stay consistent. To start over, an admin deletes the event and creates a new one.

Late gifts

If your gift is going to be late, say so at the reveal and hand it over as soon as you can. Late is better than skipped.

Good manners at the reveal

• Open the gifts one at a time, so everyone sees them.
• Thank your Santa, whatever's inside.
• Let people guess before revealing who was whose Santa.